The Year of Realization

This year was all about facing hard truths. I faced the realization this year that nobody can fix me except me. This started out as a huge hurdle because the feeling that my well being had to be in the hands of someone who had little regard for it was isolating and terrifying. It seemed so much easier to place my care in the hands of people who I knew loved me more than I loved myself but making myself someone else's responsibility was damaging to everyone. I could see my dependence hurting people around me but it felt impossible to even think about getting better on my own. It took a lot of encouragement and a lot of tough love to realize that in the end, other people can give me support but not healing. Healing is up to me. I needed to learn to love myself enough to believe I was deserving of peace. Looking back, it's hard to believe that my mental health improved more this year than probably the last four combined. I am so proud and so excited to see what life looks like next year now that I'm present enough to experience it.

This year brought a lot of change, parts of my personality that I built my life on were entirely dismantled and I spent a lot of time trying to figure out who I am without them. I'm still in the center of a sort of identity crisis but I'm finding that it's more exciting than scary. I rooted my morality, friendships, and time into things that I really don't think are aligned with who I am and there's a lot of freedom in distancing myself from that. I am discovering more about who I am as opposed to who I thought I was supposed to be and it feels so much more genuine. I like the person I am becoming and I love having the space to decide who that is for myself.

There are so many parts of 2017 that I am so excited to bring into the new year and so many things that I am so relieved to leave in the past. progress towards discovering and truly loving and respecting myself for who I am has been slow but I can feel my heart changing in a way that I am fully welcoming.

I hope the new year brings all of you the hard truths you've been needing to face and offers you with the support and freedom to grow!