Picking up the Shovel


It took me jack-hammering through rock bottom to finally admit that what i considered "fixing it myself" was not working. I convinced myself for so long that 'fix my depression myself' meant ruling out doctors and medicine and therapy; that i could do it without them. a stigma has been built that says you're stronger than medicine and you can heal just by surrounding yourself with the right people and improving yourself. For some people, this works. For me, my depression made me exhausted, unmotivated, and convinced me that I didn't deserve to get better. It was impossible for me to dig myself out of this hole when I was too tired to even pick up the shovel. This did not mean my depression won, this did not mean that i was weak. All this meant was that I needed to change my definition of what "fixing it myself" meant.

Here's the truth: everyone heals in different ways, fixing it yourself does not help when you are not doing what your body needs you to do to heal. For me, this was antidepressants and anti anxiety medicines. The second I admitted to myself that doing whatever I needed to do to get better was what truly loving yourself meant I went on antidepressants. within weeks i was getting out of bed, going to work, socializing, and succeeding in ways I hadn't in years. Antidepressants did not cure my mental illnesses, I still have to work hard to take every step I can to heal; antidepressants just gave me the motivation to do this and dug me out of the hole that convinced me I wasn't worth healing.

This being said, antidepressants are not for everyone. Do not let anyone pressure you into taking medicine if you don't want to, antidepressants are not a quick fix and it takes time to find what works for you. If you are dealing with mental illness please please take the time to figure out what you need and try not to be discouraged if something doesn't work, you have power over your mental illness, these things just take time. You are so worthy of healing and you deserve happiness and peace regardless of how you get there